This week I am posting chapter 17 of Shame’s Desire for your enjoyment! Next week is going to be a bit rough. If I can I will post Sunday morning like usually, but because of my real life job it the post may not come till the afternoon or evening. I will be posting chapter 18 of Shame’s Desire on that day so you have something to look forward to.
Now I have talked about consent before in my blog and replying to comments and reviews. But I thought it was a very serious subject that could use more attention.
I feel the need to start this conversation by telling you my feelings on consent in a real world setting. There is a saying used within communities I am a part of “Consent is Key.” This means that no interactions should happen without consent by both parties. You don’t even hug someone without asking if that is okay with them. Without consent you are in some ways attacking that person, and yes I even mean the hug. If someone doesn’t want a hug, you are violating their personal space by giving them that hug, and that is an attack.
Some like to say that in a BDSM relationship consent is more important, because of the nature of what that relationship is. But I disagree. I think consent is just as important with any relationship. It is just that in the world of BDSM we talk about it a whole lot more because of the nature of what we do. I head people say that the key to a good BDSM relationship is really talking about what each person wants from the relationship. But again I think that is actually the key to any good relationship. It is simply that because of the nature of a BDSM relationships we tend to do this because of there can be higher risks involved in some scenes we may participate in. I guess what I am saying is that we talk about consent a lot in BDSM but we need to remember it is important in any relationship.
Now that being said…
If you have read almost any of my stories you know that my work doesn’t really reflect the above rambles. Many of the relationships in my stories are non-consensual. The sub hardly ever gets to stop anything that is happening to them. My stories are NOT examples of healthy relationships. Rather they are dark fantasies. They are more a refection of what a sub or Dom may wish to play out in a scene.
It is true that many of the sub characters end up enjoying what is happening to them, but that doesn’t make what the Dom characters are doing any better. For example in Smell of Submission I spend a lot of time talking about how Harry is just trying to get Hermione to realize what she really wants. In a fictional world he resides in his tactics are Dark, and manipulative, but maybe not exactly evil. In the real world I world consider his tactics reprehensible and call him a cult leader.
I know many would say (Because I have been told directly) that putting these kinds of non-consensual relationships in fiction in a context where they seem normal is wrong. That doing so just supports rape culture and makes the world a less safe place. I obviously disagree. I feel that people have fantasies that are clearly unhealthy to live out. And I feel that a healthy outlet for these fantasies are in reading, writing, and expression them in ways that bring no harm to any real person.
This worry that we have about people reading, watching, or playing something that will make them feel it is okay to go out and do violence against another person is frustrating. It belittles the real problems and the real sources of this violence. People who look to adult fiction, video games, or TV for moral lessons are already lost. They need help and guidance. But that is a whole other post…
Read, watch, play anything you want. Just remember in the real world. Respect is Important, and Consent is Key.
A very insightful post. Well written and very articulate.