Writing is hard. Writing for me is taking out a little bit of who I am and showing it to anyone who wants to see. Well at least when I post what I write on the web it is. Which is just about everything I write. I don’t keep a journal, well I do… but you are reading right now… so does that count? Every time I post a new chapter, or even blog post I get this little nervous feeling about how people are going to see me because of what I have said. I hide behind my pen name so that if you have a problem with what I have said, the worst you can do is send me a nasty comment or review. But honestly… that is the worst thing I can imagine happening. I’ve talked about in a pervious post what I do with reviews and how I deal with negative ones so I won’t go into that again. But it is something that is always on my mind.
Writing is easy. As many of my readers know (Not that I really think I have many readers) I have a lot of ideas about things I want to write. I and others call these ideas plot bunnies. I have a word doc named Story Ideas in it I put a quick summary tittle and any other info I think I will need in outline form. In this outline I have 22 different tittles. Some of these tittles are finished and are crossed out, others are currently being written and posted, some have not been touched while others have separate docs full of notes. So really I am never really have a lack of ideas.
Dreams are painful. Katharine Whitehorn said “Find out what you like doing best and get someone to pay you for doing it.” When what you like doing best is writing that is a very hard thing to do. Honestly I would love to make writing my work and my life. I would love to write more original fiction and making a living at it. I’m not even talking about becoming rich and famous. I would love to make ends meet with my writing. That is my secret dark dream that I don’t really say too loudly because it hurts to much. I’ve had this dream for as long as I can remember. There are family stories about how I used to tell stories that never ended. I never writing little things on our first family computer back when I was 8 or 9. If you have gotten this far in my post you may be asking why the dream hurts so much? The simple answer is, I know I am not good enough.
Why I post. I post my work to share it and get feedback. There is nothing that makes me feel more pleased than knowing someone is reading what I have written. When I post on this website, I can’t help but look at the numbers on hits and views and I find myself checking out the websites stats. When I post two FF.net I smile at every follow or favorite as well as every review. (Not including negative reviews) When I post to AFF.org I find myself glancing to how the “views” count has gone up since I posted my last chapter.
What I write. I write the stories I want to read. Though I find it odd I do this, because I don’t get the same pleasure out of reading my own work that I get out of reading others. This is for a couple reasons I think. First, nothing surprises you when you know how it ends and sometimes that is half the fun. Second, I’m not as good as the writers I enjoy. Back to what I write. Much if my all of my fiction as a bit of Dom/sub context to it. The only exception I can think to this fact is Blind Nymph, it is oddly lacking in the BDSM department. Even other stories that I write which I consider non erotic have Dom/sub elements such as my Face series. I enjoy reading about strong subs so I write about them. I enjoy reading about Evil or Dark Doms so I write about them. But a lot of times I feel in the minority.
I think my rant is done now… Hope it wasn’t too confusing.